9 Embarrassing Credits From This Year's Oscar Nominees

One of the most amusing moments in recent history of the Oscars was the year when the ceremony eschewed showing clips of the nominated actors, instead inviting peers to come onstage and discuss their craft. There were some wonderfully apt memories from that year: hearing Christopher Walken wax rhapsodically about the talents of Best Supporting Actor nominee Michael Shannon was both a delight and a genius stroke by the producers. But there was an even more delightful moment when Colin Farrell took the stage, and regaled the crowds with a tale of when he worked with Best Actor nominee Jeremy Renner on the forgotten action picture S.W.A.T.

That moment served as a reminder that, no matter how far some of these talents have gone, they leave behind a legacy of work. And, as much as they tried, some of that work was just that: punching a clock and showing up on time, hitting their marks, and getting that paycheck. And sometimes that paycheck would come from a fairly ridiculous career decisions.

Here are nine examples of this year’s Oscar nominees, and the silly career decisions they’ve put behind them.

Before Christian Bale Was In AmericanHustle, He Was In Equilibrium

Bale has been a professional since childhood, leading the cast of cult Disney hit Newsies. His resume boasts a long list of formidable credits, and one can see that the three-time Batman takes his craft seriously. So what was he doing starring in Kurt Wimmer’s Equilibrium? This laughable mishmash of sci-fi tropes takes place in a dystopian future where paintings are burned and emotion is outlawed, and Bale’s heroic cop must fight corruption from within when he starts to question the order of things. Most laughable is the film’s dead-serious “innovation” of gunkata, a method of self-defense that assumes with handfuls of guns and the proper “badass” poses, one is invincible. Given he still had his American Psycho physique, Bale, to his credit, is the only one that could have made that concept work.

Before Terence Winter Wrote The Wolf of Wall Street, He Wrote Get Rich Or Die Tryin’

Winter came up in television where writers have to be a jack of all trades. So, while he’s earned his reputation by scripting prestige stuff like Boardwalk Empire, his early career is loaded with episodes from Xena: Warrior Princess, The Cosby Mysteries and Sister, Sister. Winter rose to prominence in his field on the strength of The Sopranos, and when he earned recognition as one of that show’s prominent creative voices, his next big step was to… write a 50 Cent biopic? You have to remember that 50 Cent was a massive multimedia star at the time, and Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ teamed him with Oscar-nominated filmmaker Jim Sheridan. And while the film has its moments, it’s definitely a veiled version of Fiddy’s otherwise-unremarkable rise to prominence that leans both on his questionable on-screen charisma, as well as tried and true gangster formula clichés.

Before Matthew McConuaghey Was In Dallas Buyer’s Club, He Was In Tiptoes

McConaughey seemed like he was leading man material right out of the box. As the years went on, however, he coasted, mixing half-interesting movies with terrible commercial ones. Ultimately, his films would make money, but they were so iffy that it damaged his credibility as an A-List talent. He’s likely to win an Oscar this year as AIDS-afflicted trailblazer Ron Woodruff, though this isn’t the first time he’s given voice to the oppressed and neglected: in the oddity Tiptoes, McConaughey plays an average-sized guy who falls for the gorgeous Kate Beckinsale, but tries to hide his family’s history of dwarfism from her. Ultimately, McConaughey’s not terrible in the role: playing his dwarf brother, Gary Oldman acts up a storm. But the film’s odd mix of comedy and drama, mockery and compassion, makes this perhaps the strangest and most questionable entry in McConaughey’s filmography.

Before Melisa Wallack Wrote Dallas Buyers Club, She Wrote And Directed Meet Bill

Credit where credit is due in the industry:  it’s no mere feat to get your rookie script on the industry’s Black List, attract major talent to the picture, and then direct it yourself. But Wallack (who wrote Dallas Buyers Club with Craig Borten) has surely come a long way, because the interminable Meet Bill, a sitcommy midlife crisis film with Aaron Eckhart, Elizabeth Banks, Jessica Alba, Jason Sudeikis, and plenty of other overqualified names, didn’t even merit a meager theatrical release. This Cinderella story was quickly dumped to DVD after a middling festival life, an early warning to anyone who ended up on the Black List. Wallack also carries a writing credit on Mirror Mirror, but we won’t hold that against her because it seems hard to believe someone wrote that movie.

Before Starring In Gravity, Sandra Bullock Was In Love Potion No. 9

Oh Sandy, we love you and your often dubious choices in movies. As if it wasn’t hard enough being in an industry where no one writes any good parts for women, Bullock has never been able to select the best collaborators, resulting in career decisions like Speed 2: Cruise Control and All About Steve. But even before her breakout role in Speed, Bullock was already snapping up dopey projects that should be beneath any actress with her talent level. Case in point: 1994’s Love Potion No. 9, a thick trifle where a mild-mannered scientist takes an unstable concoction that turns him into a voracious ladies’ man. Bullock actually has the thankless role of being his mousy assistant, a stereotypical nerd girl who also drinks the potion, suddenly removes her glasses and becomes a sexpot. Bullock actually steals the movie, both with her conventional good looks and slapstick acumen, but it’s not even worth a curious lazy afternoon watch.

Before U2 Performed An Original Song For Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom, They Collaborated On Million Dollar Hotel

U2 received the only nomination awarded to Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom with their Keane-like anthem “Ordinary Love,” which will probably go on the stack of U2 b-sides that only hardcore fans remember in a decade’s time. U2 hasn’t just been around for a long time, they’ve also contributed music to many films, penning original material for hits as diverse as Batman Forever and Short Cuts. But in 2000, U2 frontman Bono co-wrote Wim Wenders’ Million Dollar Hotel, an existential mystery where Mel Gibson plays a one-armed detective. The film is dull, inscrutable, and features several original, and forgettable, U2 compositions. But even the kindest Wenders fan has to acknowledge it’s a pretentious disaster, including the film’s star. when quizzed about the movie at the premiere, Gibson claimed the film was “as boring as a dog’s ass.”

Before Billy Ray Wrote Captain Phillips, He Wrote Color of Night

Screenwriters shouldn’t necessarily be blamed for the quality of a movie. Many times, a screenplay passes through several hands after its completion. And even when it does reach the screen, the director likely has left his fingerprints on the material. That hasn’t stopped writer Billy Ray from rising up the ranks to become one of the industry’s most in-demand scribes, even after stuff like Volcano and Flight Plan dots his resume. Looking at the films he’s penned (including an excellent one, Breach, which he also directed), the one that stands out is the Bruce Willis vehicle Color of Night. And if you’ve seen this movie, you know it is NUTS.  The story finds the decidedly not-brainy Willis as a famous psychologist who ends up taking over his dead colleague’s therapy group, only to find them being picked off one-by-one by an unknown killer, just as he’s entering into an affair with a mysterious femme fatale. Everything in Color of Night, one of the final films in the gonzo career of director Richard Rush, is pitched to eleven, including one of the most elaborate and ridiculous twists you’ll ever see.

Before Amy Adams Was In American Hustle, She Was In Cruel Intentions 2

There is no shortage of goofy early Amy Adams performances, as she long bounced around on the periphery of Hollywood in thankless one-line girlfriend roles. One of her early standout parts, however, was in the failed pilot to Manchester Prep, an intended TV spinoff of the surprise hit Cruel Intentions. Reportedly the material that was shot was a little too bawdy, so the producers merely tacked on extra naughty footage (not too much involving Adams, in case you were wondering) and released it as a cheeseball direct-to-DVD sequel instead. Adams would soon find herself once again relegated to girlfriend roles until her breakout years later in the indie Junebug.

Before Writing Nebraska, Alexander Payne Wrote Jurassic Park 3

Payne, who received a Best Director nomination this year for Nebraska, relinquished writing duties on his latest film solely to fellow nominee Bob Nelson. But he’s written several screenplays with writing partner Jim Taylor, and the two were nominated together for Best Adapted Screenplay for Election and won Best Adapted Screenplay for Sideways. Yet, Payne and Taylor apparently weren’t above earning some cash on the side, which meant taking a crack at the third Jurassic Park film. Given that the picture headed into production around the time of a writer’s strike, the two couldn’t make any further alterations on a screenplay they had co-written with Peter Buchman, resulting in a movie that makes little sense and feels like a K-Mart version of the previous two pictures. Considering these two are Oscar-winning scribes, you hate to think that it’s their fault for whipping up a blockbuster script that literally has no ending: Jurassic Park 3 closes on a pretty convenient deus ex machina that wouldn’t pass muster in a freshman writing course. You’ll have to chalk that one up to too many other cooks getting their hands in that broth. Payne and Taylor’s credited work on Adam Sandler’s tone-deaf I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, however?  Well, that one remains inexplicable to this day.

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