25 Ass-Kickers Who Should Have Been In The Expendables 3

The superstar scrum The Expendables 3 is due out on August 15th (and you can watch the first trailer here). Sylvester Stallone has been vocal with fans about who could or could not fit into the franchise, which is basically a greatest hits collection of action stars and moments of yesterday and today, and the first two films have been loaded with memorable faces. 

This time around, the Patrick Hughes-directed film adds even more new blood. The cast of original Expendables returns, including Stallone, Jason Statham, Terry Crews, Randy Cotoure, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Added to the roster of this fight-fest are Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, and Ronda Rousey. This is a solid lineup, but it leaves out a number of rumored names we’ve all expected to see, particularly because the roster leaves out stars from the first two films, including Bruce Willis, Jean Claude Van Damme, Scott Adkins, Gary Daniels, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Chuck Norris and Mickey Rourke. Basically, there’s always room for more beefcake. 

We’ve drafted a list of 25 names we would have loved to see in the next film, all of which we’re disappointed won’t show up. You can’t always get what you want, but these guys so far have been on the outside of the Expendables world looking in. 

Dwayne Johnson

It may defeat the purpose to opt for a younger name or two for The Expendables, but everything else about bringing Mr. The Rock into the fold makes perfect sense. The famously-agreeable former wrestler is one of the most gregarious performers in Hollywood, and he’s used that to build up considerable action star bonafides at a time where most strongmen are limited to direct-to-DVD work. He’s also no stranger to joining a franchise in progress and boosting its fortunes, as he did by giving Fast Five a kick in the teeth, pumping up Journey 2 The Mysterious Island to massive grosses and, in his most Expendable-y gesture yet, picking up the pieces of G.I. Joe: Retaliation alongside Bruce Willis. The second Expendables grossed less than the first domestically: with The Rock onboard, that trend could have been easily reversed.

Steven Seagal

Probably the most logical name that somehow hasn’t appeared in these movies. Seagal was reportedly courted by Stallone many times, but Seagal remains uninterested in being involved. The main reason that’s been cited is that Seagal won’t work with producer Avi Lerner and Millennium Films again – the independent company is known for both their backlog of straight-to-DVD films as well as a certain shady approach to business, one that apparently had left Seagal under-compensated for earlier films at the studio. Seems like a reasonable qualm, but Millennium has worked with a number of big name actors, including Stallone, Robert De Niro, Milla Jovovich, James Franco and more. It’s a pity this couldn’t be resolved: modern day Seagal might be a bit of a joke, but at one point the Sensei had possibly the quickest hands in the industry, and in a brief moment in the early nineties, he was on top of the b-movie game, producing spartan actioners like Hard To Kill that capitalized on his lone wolf fearsomeness. 

Nicolas Cage

It’s pretty peculiar that Cage isn’t suiting up for this Expendables installment, as he’s one of producer Millennium Films’ greatest collaborators. Perhaps it’s because Cage is slowly transitioning away from paycheck-chasing now that apparently his IRS troubles have ended. But, for a brief period in time, Cage was the go-to guy for A-List action pictures in Hollywood, becoming John Woo’s lucky rabbit’s foot with Face/Off and Windtalkers, and the Bruckheimer poster boy for The Rock, Con Air, and Gone In 60 Seconds. Cage has never been just an action star, of course, and the fact is he could do a hundred Wicker Man remakes and still bring a level of craft and professionalism to the Expendables set. Lost amid the wacky reputation of his standout roles is the fact that he’s done some of them next to a cadre of great talents; he would absolutely fit right in.

Trejo is another guy who was linked to this franchise at one point, talked up for a role in the first one. That never panned out for the Machete actor, and it’s a disappointment, since Trejo fits all the qualifications of an Expendable: madly prolific, obviously tough as nails, and old as hell. Trejo started out as an extra, bringing verisimilitude to roles due to a stay in prison at an early age, and has gone on to come face-to-face with a cadre of Hollywood tough guys and legends in movies both A-and-B-level. Of course, maybe he’s amenable to popping up in the fourth film as Machete himself, a crossover for the ages. Looking at his filmography, there’s not much Trejo will say no to.

Gonna drop a bomb on you: Bullock is still in major mainstream films as a woman who can both be romantically appealing and sometimes pretty tough, and yet she’s actually a clear peer of The Expendables cast, about to turn fifty. Age is everything in Hollywood, so it makes sense Bullock wouldn’t want to acknowledge hers, particularly after the action film success of The Heat. Bullock was offered a part in the first film however (which was eventually written out) and has a surprising amount of relevant credits to her name: not only did she famously team with Stallone in Demolition Man, but she did time with two Speed films in addition to the aforementioned The Heat. Bullock’s a versatile performer with an Oscar to her name, but she’d fit right in as another tough Expendable that brings a bit of feminine flavor to the mix.

Chan and Sylvester Stallone just can’t get it together between them: the two have been rumored to collaborate for years, but something is always in the way. Rumor has it Stallone had long eyed Chan to be in a proposed fourth Rambo, but Chan bristled at playing a bad guy drug dealer. Linked to The Expendables, Chan has long been amenable to joining, but claimed he wanted a sizable role, and not to just come in and perform some martial arts wizardry. Which makes sense, but poses the main conundrum with a guy like him: action legend, sure, but how would you twist the narrative to accommodate his considerable, prop-heavy combat methods? Chan’s usually having a ball with his sillier fighting sequences, though that sort of choreography would be out-of-place in an Expendables movie. That being said, Chan is an action contemporary, and it would have been nice to see him show up.

This Chilean martial artist has quietly made a name for himself with hardcore action fanatics with his performances in Spanish-language actioners Kiltro and Mirageman. The latter gives him a chance to flex his acting skills, though as a leading man, he still has a quite fearsome, intimidating countenance, perfect for a villain role similar to the one played by Scott Adkins in The Expendables 2. Zaror’s English is unsteady, but it didn’t stop him from nailing a role in Undisputed 3, introducing himself to American audiences, though the man is fast and huge onscreen, deserving of a big screen showcase.

The 57 year old thespian has done everything. He’s done Shakespeare in the Park and tangoed with Vin Diesel’s Riddick. Rowdy Roddy Piper forced him to “Put on the glasses!” and he forced Jennifer Conelley to go “ass-to-ass” in Requiem For A Dream. He’s voiced every cartoon and videogame you can imagine, and he’s battled alongside the likes of Swayze (Road House), Seagal (Marked For Death), Willis (Armageddon) and Statham (Transporters 2). Sure, he’s probably not up for more physical activities (training for these movies must be a bitch), but there’s always a place for a guy like David, who has worked with Oliver Stone, Steven Spielberg, John Carpenter, Spike Lee, Sam Raimi, Darren Aronofsky and the Wachowskis. 

She goes by many names, but this Thai martial artist is known by many as the female Tony Jaa, having been discovered by Ong Bak director Prachya Pinkaew. She specializes in taekwondo, and her bonafides are on full display in her two first starring vehicles, Chocolate and Raging Phoenix, where Pinkaew needs only to hold the camera steady to capture her in motion. She’s lithe and attractive, but in battle she attacks like a spider-monkey, a combat style that would be distinct and attention-getting inside the world of The Expendables.

Perhaps Kurt’s gotten a little ornery in his old age: he was famously offered a role in the first Expendables, but rejected it. Stallone revealed that he only spoke to Russell’s representatives, who relayed that Russell was not interested in “ensemble” work at the moment, suggesting a bit of catty bitterness, but also a bit of hurt. After all, what’s Cash without Tango? Russell was a natural for genre films, and his snarl and elaborate hair for Escape From New York pegged him as a screen legend, but there was always the sense he viewed himself as more of an action star: in his later years he’s taken on a number of diverse roles in films like Miracle and Vanilla Sky that showcase the character actor inside the tough guy center. It makes sense that Russell thinks Expendables would be beneath him, but that’s not really the point: maybe the fans want to see their old Snake Plissken growling and firing a gun one more time. 

You don’t want to be caught with sloppy seconds: it’s obvious that movies like Fast Five, Machete, and Red 2 have copied the Expendables method of casting by stuffing the room with badasses, and watching them react. But it’s hard to ignore a talent like Taslim, who popped up in Furious 6, proving that his starring role in The Raid: Redemption was no fluke. To let him loose in this film would provide an electric showcase: its one thing to wail on Sung Kang, another to tango with Dolph Lundgren and Jet Li.

There’s the sense that Hollywood has long come calling for Jai White, and at some point he turned them down. The fierce martial artist has built a more-than-respectable portfolio of action films on the DVD market, while popping up on the fringes of the mainstream in Nicki Minaj videos and Tyler Perry movies. Not only is Jai White a physically-terrifying presence, but he’s also got loads of personality, as anyone beholden to the “Black Dynamite” phenomenon can attest. If not now, then when?

How is it that Millennium couldn’t secure the services of the famously reclusive Ong Bak star, but he’s instead made his way into Fast & Furious 7? How do you screw that up, Millennium? Jaa is the premiere onscreen ass-kicker of his generation, and it would be more than a thrill to see him flex his muy thai muscles against Jet Li onscreen. Jaa recently had a pretty topsy-turvy couple of years, abandoning Ong Bak 2 during filming, retiring to become a monk, and returning to screens once again. Maybe the famous lack of stability that comes from a Millennium set (big paychecks, obscure locales) would be a bit more stress than palling around with Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson.

Kitano is a bit more obscure to a certain generation: to them, he’s a star of the twisted Battle Royale and the host of Takeshi’s Castle, which was repurposed and dubbed in various inappropriate ways to become a hit on Spike TV. What most don’t know is that Kitano is a renaissance badass on par with Clint Eastwood: he’s directed and starred in a number of films that showcase his badass stoicism, like Violent Cop, Boiling Point and Sonatine. In the early aughts, he began to experiment a bit after the success of his samurai picture Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman, but he recently returned to contemporary crime storytelling, with the successful Outrage and Outrage Beyond, both of which were huge successes overseas, though the first one was quietly received here, the second yet to open. Kitano has mostly stayed overseas, though he did play a villain in the Keanu Reeves’ film Johnny Mnemonic, and bringing him onto the Expendables crew as a villain would be a huge thrill for hardcore action enthusiasts. 

Most people forget that, in addition to becoming THE face of the WWF in the eighties, Hogan is also a member of the Rocky family, appearing in the third film as the infamous Thunderlips. Almost thirty years later, Hogan’s still buff enough to get in the ring once or twice, so why not give him a ring? Maybe he can be billed under his real name, and it could be kept a secret from the paying audience until that famous mustache emerges from the shadows, ready to throw down. As much latter-day notoriety that follows Hogan around, there’s an audience that still has fond memories of Hogan as a major crossover star, one who would fit in with his contemporaries in front of the camera of this film.

Some potential bad blood here, as the Amazonian Nielsen was once married to Stallone. But everyone can be professionals here, especially because this series needs an injection of estrogen and Nielsen has memorably rubbed elbows onscreen with Stallone (Cobra), Schwarzenegger (Red Sonja), Lundgren (Rocky IV) and, uh, ICP (Big Money Rustlas). Even if she’s not into the potential physical demands of the part (she’s only just turned 50, making her a spring chicken amongst the (Expendables), how awesome would it be to see Nielsen behind a control room desk, plotting the demise of her ex-husband and his cohorts?

One of the superstars of his generation, Yen never broke through in America, and famously scoffed at a chance to suit up for The Expendables the first time around. Then again, so did Jean Claude Van Damme, and he was the best part of part two. The full court press should have been on for Yen, who matches his peerless physical skill with an undeniable screen presence, one that would make a Yen-Li clash the defining moment of part three. Yen seems reluctant towards these sorts of pictures; it’s the same reaction that allowed Li a chance to sit out a bulk of the second film. Perhaps there’s a way to shoot Yen’s scenes isolated, perhaps a single showdown sequence where Li has to fight an old enemy.

Every generation, every demographic, has their own image of who Remar is. Apparently, some women associate him from an arc he did on Sex And The City, of all things. A previous generation remembers him as the edgy hero of cult classics like The Warriors and Quiet Cool. Some would consider him a made-to-order villain, bringing his crusty nastiness to 48 Hrs, The Phantom and Judge Dredd. Sadly, most people just consider him one of That Guys, who shows up in a number of movies, barks some orders or threats, and just vanishes. Remar is a prolific onscreen personality, one with a skill for intimidation his peers never had, and it is a pity Stallone couldn’t find a way to get those crooked pipes into one of these Expendables films, even as a bureaucratic villain who sat behind a desk.

A bone for the hardcores, perhaps: Wells is one of the few villains in the Schwarzenegger filmography to stand out, having played the leather daddy baddie in Commando. It would be a hoot to see the older, mustached Wells take up arms against Schwarzenegger one more time, even if it would also be a cheap, silly in-joke of sorts. After all, he is the Ayatollah of Rock’n’Rolla. 

If anyone should be added from that crop of early nineties ass-kickers in direct-to-video actioners, it’s The Perfect Weapon. Use this as a stand-in for whomever can be rescued from that period to play a henchman; yeah, we like it when Stallone and Van Damme throw down, but there’s also a great allure for some when Gary Daniels steps out of the shadows in the first Expendables. What we wouldn’t give for a bad guy b-team of Speakman, Thomas Ian Griffith, Sho Kosugi, Leo Rossi and Billy Blanks.

Crowe’s not above this sort of thing, is he? The Oscar-winner has long had a reputation for humorlessness in a series of increasingly-serious dramas, but he’s hit a point in his career where he doesn’t have enough bankability to be a leading man in too many films, but he does have enough clout to get away with doing basically whatever it is he wants. Crowe hammed it up as an over-the-top villain in The Man With The Iron Fists, and he’d be absolutely divine in a similar part in The Expendables, dishing out menace with brute force and Aussie charm.

The great thing about The Expendables is the opportunities given to various styles of combat and fisticuffs. So why not wrestlers? We’ve already had Stone Cold Steve Austin, but why not go more obscure and opt for the Kurrgan? In fact, Malliet has made a significant name for himself on the big screen since he retired from the ring, using his cartoonishly massive 6”10 frame in films like 300, Sherlock Holmes, Immortals and Pacific Rim. These films have featured a considerable variety of stars in these roles, but we have yet to see the relatively-short Stallone face off against a giant.

Yeah, you laughed, and then you thought about it: technically, Tyson is a peer of the Expendables cast, also reaching his peak in the eighties and early nineties. While Rambo was blowing up enemy soldiers and John McClane was dying hard, Tyson was picking up championship belts, the most intimidating fighter in the ring, pound-for-pound. His career ended in a flurry of savage chaos, but he’s made an effort to rehabilitate himself and come to peace with his inner demons, even doing an autobiographical one-act show on Broadway. Given the years and experience (as well as a measure of big-screen success in the Hangover films), it would make sense to see him suit up next to contemporaries like Sly, Arnold and Lundgren.

On the surface, perhaps this is a leftfield choice. Ming, the former NBA all-star and hoops ambassador has no real on-screen experience. But you have to stop and consider that the guy is 7”6: Gheorge Muresan was 7”7 when he starred in My Giant, a mistake considering a frame like that is best suited for kicking down doors and beating people up. Ming, for what it’s worth, not only is tougher than that guy, but had a longer, more respectable career, and a frame that was not gangly like most big men, but lean and fearsome. Not only is this a callback to Bruce Lee memorably and convincingly tangoing with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Game Of Death, but it could be yet another of Hollywood’s repeated concessions to China, the world’s fastest-growing film market, and a place where Ming is absolutely beloved.

Jesse Ventura, Carl Weathers, Sonny Landham, Bill Duke, Shane Black

Predator is the gold standard of modern-day tough guy movies. And yet, aside from Schwarzenegger, none of these have popped up in an Expendables movie. How is that possible? Arnold couldn’t call up his buddies in office Ventura and Landham? Black is probably much too big to participate in this series (he just wrote and directed a billion dollar movie called, Iron Man 3, perhaps you’re familiar). Duke could easily be an evil administrative type. And Weathers is sorely missed, though apparently he demanded a solid chunk of change to show up in Rocky Balboa that Stallone found distasteful. But for one moment, would it not be the crowning achievement of this franchise if the gang was sneaking through the jungle and randomly walked past these five, quietly tipping their caps?

Sean Connery

It doesn’t hurt to ask.